Devilish fun
by Stuzack2
Summary: A funny fic based on Zhanael's 'Heir of Darkness’ please R
1. Default Chapter

Ok, so I've been doing a few fics on DMC, and I decided to do a funny. (Well, everyone else is doing one.)  
  
So here it is.  
  
This is based on 'Heir of Darkness' by Zhanael. So you BETTER read her story before reading this (It's very good).  
  
Zhanael helped me to write this fic, so THANK YOU ZHANAEL!  
  
Ok, here goes nothing.  
  
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Setting: In an arena, where all the 'BAD' people go.  
  
Val's throne is above the arena so she has a good view. Demetri, and rose are there too and Ashi just ain't there at all.… because…. I said so.  
  
*Val is sitting on her throne bored out of her skull/exoskeleton.*  
  
Val: Sigh, same boring stuff, same boring bums coming down to hell.  
  
*A man comes screaming down and hits the floor hard.*  
  
Val: OH MY GAWD! OSAMA BEAN LADLE! Hold it RIGHT THERE! I have someone who wants to 'play' with you… PHANTOM!  
  
*phantom is taking a long drink from the nearby lava river*  
  
Phantom(with mouth full of lava): MMPHHH! *swallows* Yes, my Queen?  
  
Val: Lookie what we got here. It's the bean ladle guy!  
  
*Phantom walks over to Osama, looking down on him*  
  
Phantom: THIS is Osama? I thought he was really evil? *looks at Osama's clothes* And why THE HELL is he wearing a DIAPER?  
  
Val: That's not a diaper, it's what all those hippie-rejects wear. They deserve to die just for their fashion sense.  
  
Phantom: Oh, ok then. *looks at Osama* RUN, NOW!  
  
*Osama runs around with phantom in hot pursuit (excuse the pun, or not. Seeing as this is a fun fic) Phantom eventually catches him and slowly swallows him headfirst 'Deep Rising/Little shop of horrors' style. Osama's feet are kicking as he goes down.  
  
*Val, Demetri and Rose all applaud Phantom for his work. Phantom bows and goes off to drink some more lava.*  
  
*Another man falls out of the sky*  
  
Val: YAY! Another one to play with. *The man gets up* OH MY GOD!  
  
  
  
Rose: YOU KILLED.. oh. I mean, Mr. Arner!  
  
Val (to Demetri): What is HE doing here?  
  
*Demetri whispers to Val*  
  
Val (loudly): A SHEEP?!?!? PHANTOM! I have another plaything for you!  
  
*Phantom is swaying back and forth, drunk from drinking too much lava*  
  
Phantom: Whashayawant? (hick)  
  
Val: Nevermind.  
  
Phantom: sthupidhs peshple always trshing to get me to do workk *collapses on floor, completely shattered.*  
  
Val: Hmmm. Oh yeah! NIGHTMARE!!  
  
*A puddle of smelly ooze comes into the arena.*  
  
Nightmare: Hnuhhhh? What? I was having such a nice dream. Lots of fluffy kittens, and rainbows and... *Notices everyone looking at him in a funny way*  
  
Nightmare: WHAT?!? Just because my name is Nightmare does NOT mean I cannot have nice dreams!  
  
Val: *sigh* Demetri, tell him.  
  
*Demetri walks up to him and whispers in his ummm ear. I guess.*  
  
Nightmare: WHAT?!? WITH A SHEEP?!?  
  
*Nightmare chases Mr. Armer around the arena. Unfortunately Nightmare is quite slow, and is unable to catch him.  
  
Mr. Arner: Honest! I didn't know it was a sheep!  
  
Val: Did you think it was your wife?  
  
Rose: She's probably ugly enough.  
  
All but Mr. Arner: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA  
  
*Mr. Arner realises that Nightmare is too busy laughing to chase him, so he slowly walks off, and into Phantom.*  
  
Mr. Arner: *looks up* EEEEEEK!  
  
*Phantom, who is barely managing to stand, is about to say something. But ends up puking up all of his previously consumed lava over Mr. Arner. All that's left is a pile of ash.  
  
Phantom(feeling much better): Blurgh... lava breath. yuck.  
  
Val(bored again): So… No more?  
  
Demetri: well I could pull a few strings…  
  
Val: Go for it!  
  
*Demetri pulls a string and a large winged thing falls out of the sky*  
  
Val: BAHAMUT! The author of 3 of the funniest fic I ever read!  
  
Random Barney security guard: Bahamut! Uhhh, think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts!  
  
Val: What are YOU doing down here?  
  
Bahamut: Long story. Involves me, 3 women, and a family sized tub of vanilla ice cream.  
  
Val: Ewww.  
  
Phantom: Mmmmm Vanilla.  
  
*Everyone looks at phantom*  
  
Phantom: WHAT?!?? I happen to like Vanilla ice cream, is there a problem with that?!  
  
Demetri: *sigh*....the people we have to deal with....  
  
Rose: Is it always like this?  
  
Demetri: In case you haven't noticed already, YES!  
  
Val: Anyway, back to business. Bahamut, I'm sorry but you have to be punished.  
  
Bahamut: But WHY? I'm such a funny person.  
  
Val: BECAUSE I SAID SO, and this is MY FIC.  
  
Bahamut: No it's not, it clearly says 'Stuzack' at the top.  
  
Val: Yeah, well HE'S NOT HERE, IS HE?  
  
Bahamut: Well, I guess not…. Darn. How are you gonna punish me?  
  
Val: I think you already know. I stole the idea from your fic.  
  
Bahamut: What? No. NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!  
  
Val: THAT'S RIGHT! Barney the dinosaur! For… ohhhh lets say 10 minutes.  
  
Bahamut: But I might not live that long! *gets dragged away by nightmare* NOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!  
  
Then, for no reason whatsoever Virgil (from my fic, Descendant and VFM) comes in through an inter-dimensional portal.  
  
Virgil: Hi guys and girls! What's happening?  
  
Val: we were just betting on how long you could last in that arena there with that marionette.  
  
Virgil: huh? Oh EASY! *jumps down to the arena and smashes the crap out of marionette.*  
  
*Phantom looks around to see a white hared human, and walks up to him.*  
  
Phantom: Hey! You look familiar! Do you by any chance know a person called Dante? He was the one who killed me.  
  
Virgil: Why ye.. *looks up at huge-ass spider* No. No I do NOT know Dante Sparda.  
  
Phantom: But you just sai…  
  
Virgil: No sirree, I DEFINATLEY do not know him.  
  
Phantom: Then why do those people say that you're his son? *points to Val and co*  
  
Virgil: Ummm, LOOK! A female aardvark! *points behind Phantom*  
  
Phantom(Turning around): REALLY? COOL. Hey where is it? *turns back to see a cloud of dust where Virgil was.* HEY! No fair! I wasn't ready!  
  
Val: OK! I've had enough for today, time to go to sleep.  
  
Nightmare: yeah right, that just means the author has run out of ideas.  
  
Phantom: AWWW! But I don't wanna go to bed!  
  
Val: GO NOW!!!  
  
*Nightmare and Phantom quickly run off to bed, completely forgetting about Bahamut.*  
  
Bahamut: I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME! Curse you Val! WERE ONE BIG HAPY FAM-I-LY  
  
~ E N D ~  
  
U like? Then review!  
  
Special thanx to Zhanael for letting me use her story. 


	2. it burns!

Ok, so someone (who will remain nameless) has been bugging me to write another chapter.  
  
And… here it is…. Uhh, give a review if you like it.  
  
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Val: DEMITRI!!!  
  
Demetri: *sigh* yes, my queen?  
  
Val: I'm BOOOORRRREEEED!  
  
Demetri: and?  
  
Val: it's YOUR job to cheer me up!  
  
Demetri: it is?  
  
Val: Yes, so come on, if I don't start having fun in the next 5 MINUTES I will be forced to make you eat lava.  
  
Demetri: well, we could bring guybrush down here….  
  
Val: WHAT?!?!? Nooooo, someone already got there first, and he has an unbreakable contract with them. What happened to Osama?  
  
Demetri: eaten.  
  
Val: President bush?  
  
Demetri: he's not dead yet.  
  
Val: I meant the old one.  
  
Demetri: so did I.  
  
Val: oh… there must be SOMETHING to kill, maim or torture….  
  
*Virgil (from my fic) pops his head around the door*  
  
Virgil: Hi everyone!  
  
*Demetri and Val both grin*  
  
Virgil: *looking at grins* What? What's so funny? Tell me please!  
  
*5 minutes later. Virgil is tied to a rope above a pool of molten rock*  
  
Virgil: AHHHHH! Look, when I said 'what's so funny' I asked you to TELL me, not SHOW ME!  
  
Val: ok, I have a proposal for you.  
  
Virgil: WHAT? I don't want to marry you!  
  
Val: that's not what I meant. Now here's the deal. Everytime you take a breath of air, you get lowered by 1ft. you have 30 minutes to hold your breath for as long as possible. Any questions?  
  
Virgil: Yeah, what happens if I try to escape?  
  
Val: There IS no 'escape from monkey isla…' oh sorry. If you try to escape, you will be killed, by THIS!  
  
*Val uncovers a big-ass laser that strangely resembles the one in Austin powers 2. Albeit, much smaller.*  
  
Virgil: That tiny piece of junk? Bwahahahaaa!  
  
Val: oops, not that. *turns the laser around to reveal 'mini-me' having his way with it*  
  
Virgil: you're going to kill me with a horny dwarf?  
  
*Mini-me heard this, and jumped off the laser. He runs at Virgil full speed, jumps and bites his nose*  
  
Virgil: GHAAAAA! GWET THISH THUNG OFF MY NOOSE!  
  
Val: mini-me, down. *mini-me gets down* your time starts now, Virgil.  
  
Virgil: But! But! *Virgil drops 2ft, then holds his breath*  
  
Val: mini-me, guard! *mini-me sits down, and waits for Val to leave. He looks back at the laser forlornly.  
  
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Val: How long has it been?  
  
Demetri: only 5 minutes.  
  
Val: Darn. I NEED something to do!  
  
*Phantom walks in at this point with headphones on, he is singing the words*  
  
Phantom: That makes you larger than life! Ooh yeah!  
  
Val: PHANTOM!!!  
  
Phantom: *takes off headphones* Uhh, yeah?  
  
Val: were you just listening to the backstreet boys?  
  
Phantom: ummmm, no.  
  
Val: Ok then. I wish they would burn in hell…..hmmmm. Sayyyy, Demetri?  
  
Demetri: you have GOT to be kidding.  
  
Val: *shakes her head* nope, bring them down.  
  
Demetri: *sigh* ok, *pulls a cord*  
  
*5 guys suddenly drop from the sky, screaming loudly, they hit the floor with a sickening crunch*  
  
Phantom: *looking over at them* OH MY GOD! IT'S THE BACKSTREET BOYS!! *he proceeds to scream like a little girl, and walks up to them* I am your biggest fan! Can you please sign my tail?  
  
*2 of the backstreet boys sign his tail, the other 2 died from being crushed by the other 3, and the other pushed the pen too hard, making phantom bleed over him. He then proceeded to melt.*  
  
Phantom: YAY! I'm so happy! *stops.* everyone is looking at me, ain't they? *turns around. Sure enough Val and Demetri are staring at him with grins on their faces*  
  
Val: Phantom…. Kill.  
  
Phantom: but!  
  
Val: You DARE question me? *her eyes glowed red*  
  
Phantom(scared): NO! NOT AT ALL! *proceeds to eat every last member of the backstreet boys, Followed by a few burps and weeps.*  
  
*Griffon turns up and looks at Val*  
  
Griffon: HEY! Why wasn't I in the last chapter?  
  
Val: I dunno, why don't you ask the author?  
  
Griffon: ok, looks up HEY! Why wasn't I in the last chapter?  
  
*a big booming voice is heard*  
  
BBV: Because you are not very funny  
  
Griffon: WHAT?!? I can be funny! Watch this! *griffon proceeds to do an impression of a chicken* SEE?  
  
BBV: you are a bird, and you impersonate another bird…. And THAT'S supposed to be funny?  
  
Griffon: *still doing a chicken impression* But I'm being a chicken! Bwark Bwark?  
  
Val: I don't find that very funny.  
  
Griffon: *start bursting into tears* Why are you always so mean to me? I try my best!  
  
*everyone feels ashamed*  
  
*Griffon walks away, but trips over a pillar and into phantom. Phantom is hot, and sets griffons feathers on fire. Griffon screams.*  
  
Griffon: AHH AHHH AHHHH! My feathers! Help! *runs around in circles. Everyone laughs*  
  
Griffon: *stops* hey, you're finding this funny? I'm being FUNNY? Woohoo! PHANTOM! QUICK! Do a lava pillar on me.  
  
Phantom: but that will ki..  
  
Griffon(still on fire): NOW! Before I become unfunny again!  
  
*phantom does a lava pillar on griffon, turning him into a lump of charcoal.*  
  
griffon(as he dies): AWWW NUTS!  
  
*crowd applauds griffon (who is now very dead)  
  
Val: well…. That was interesting  
  
*All go away to their rooms for some sleep, unaware they have forgotten about poor Virgil.*  
  
Virgil: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!! AHHHhhhhhhhh………… 


End file.
